I started this blog last year because I wanted to share my journey. I was transitioning....evolving...changing. A piece of me was dying and something else was growing in its place. I could feel the changes occurring inside of me and I couldn't wait to share it....to document something that had taken so long to manifest in my life. But I wasn't ready. Beginnings are always exciting. You're so optimistic and open to the changes. You're embracing the new and it feels amazing. But then reality sinks in. And that reality is what I wasn't prepared for.
I prefer to live in peace & to not stress or worry. And in order to do that, I suppress. I do anything humanely possible to NOT have to deal with unpleasant situations and people. But the thing about suppression is that it's not a permanent solution. There will come a time when you have to confront these issues head on. There's no getting around it. And I learned that valuable lesson once my transitioning "honeymoon phase" ended. I found myself face to face with emotions that had been bottled up for years, experiences that I convinced myself never existed and desires that I never expressed. I kept them tucked away in a little box way back in the farthest and darkest corner of my mind and I naively believed that's where they would stay. Yeah...well...I was 100% wrong about that.
In order to become the person I wanted to be I had to destroy the person I was. I had to break myself. I had to look in the mirror, take the blinders off and really look at the woman that stared back at me....inside and out. I had to isolate myself from the world. So I completely fell off the grid. I cut virtually all contact with people except family and a couple close friends (oh yeah and the concessional FB action lol). I studied myself. I exposed myself....good and bad. I couldn't share my journey without first knowing where my starting point was. It was probably one of the hardest things I ever had to do...but I got it done. I did it. I got to the point where I had both feet firmly planted on the starting line.
And that leads us to where we are today...both of my feet are firmly planted on the starting line and I am ready to run this race. I am ready to overcome any obstacle that may get in my way. I am ready to celebrate the taste of victory, no matter how big or small. I am ready to love myself with the same amount of intensity and passion that I use to love others. I am ready to follow my dreams. I am ready to sacrifice. I am ready to grow. I am ready to smile. I am ready to cry. I am ready to share. I am ready to be fearless. I am ready to re-claim my crown. I am ready to take the road less traveled....and never look back.
I am ready to be re-born. Finally. I am ready.
